 SEATTLE (AYP)—Today, there are more products available on the market for hair “regrowth” than, say, diarrhea. In fact, a simple product search for “hair growth” on Amazon.com returned 336 items, whereas “diarrhea” returned just 142. If product availability is any indication of America’s woes, then balding men (and women) are a much bigger problem than irritable bowel syndrome or a simple case of “the runs.”
Several products don’t necessarily promise to “regrow” hair, but to stimulate once-active-but-now-dead hair follicles, resulting in the “potential for hair growth.” But what products are effective for hair regrowth? Unfortunately, it is scientifically easier to test products for diarrhea effectiveness than those for growing hair, say researchers for both disciplines.
At the Institute for Hair Growth and Diarrhea, however, the two research arms are under one roof, and for good reason. “We have growing evidence that the two areas are linked,” said researcher Martin Wong, who personally suffers from both hair loss and loose stools. “As hair growth begins to mitigate, the incidence of diarrhea increases. Right now, in fact, I have to use the bathroom.”
Mr. Wong stands about 5’9” and often rides around the facilities on a Segway or a skateboard. But on this occasion, he is running top speed to the men’s room. “I’ve been testing pretty much everything available on the market for hair growth and, frankly, it’s not very promising,” he said from the bathroom stall. “Oh, shit! Would you hand me some tissue? This one is empty.”
Any more conclusive results?
“Sure. But nine times out of ten, the results were better with people who already have hair,” said Mr. Wong. “All the prematurely balding test subjects had trouble growing hair, even with Propecia and Rogaine. But on those with hair, even the most obscure treatments on the market seemed to be conducive to hair growth. It was very frustrating, er, rather, interesting.”
And the diarrhea?
“Oh, those guys with hair also responded well in bowel tests. It just isn’t fair.”
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